How to Stop Complaining About Your Job and Like the One You’re With
This post is a collaboration with Amber Johnson, PhD, an incredible strategy advisor, leadership coach, and author of Better Than Fine, dedicated to practical insights for improving communication so you can be a better leader, partner, and parent.
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A few years ago, a close friend debated if the time was right to leave the organization for which he’d worked for a decade.
“I know things wouldn’t really be greener elsewhere,” he told me. “But it would take some time to figure out their problems, and those few months of ignorance would be amazing.”
Wouldn’t it be lovely to just walk away from the familiar problems and challenges, and land somewhere shiny and new?
For decades, job-hopping was the easiest way to get a raise—take a new job at a new place, get a pay bump. Now, though, that’s not always guaranteed. The WSJ and others have recently reported that job seekers are hitting a wall of salary deflation, meaning it’s more likely that leaving won’t get you more pay, and may get you less.
We wrote late last year to offer five questions you should ask before leaving your job. Today, we’re launching a two-part series designed for folks who have decided to stay. Maybe you’re staying because of loyalty, family needs, finances, the job market, or simply because this job still fits most of the time. Our goal is to help you find renewed satisfaction, at work and in life, without changing jobs or organizations.
To adapt a line from 1970s folk rock musician Stephen Stills (the middle part of Crosby, Stills, and Nash), “if you can’t be with a new job you’d love, love the job you’re with.”
We have three ideas for putting a little spark back into your relationship with work, without seeking satisfaction somewhere else. These are also great tips for someone who loves their organization but not their current role. Or who is basically happy with both, but still wants to grow and shake things up a bit.
Interrupt your negative thinking
Before you can find things to love about the job you have, you have to stop hating it. That’s hard to do if you’ve fallen in the habit of cataloging the daily frustrations, and rehashing them with a work bestie or your partner.
“Off-gassing” is the term for releasing a toxic stream of negative thoughts to someone else. When we keep that list of negative thoughts to ourselves, dwelling on them in our minds, we call it “rumination.” Both are very human practices—you can’t help but do it sometimes. But creating a pattern of off-gassing or rumination makes it hard for you to see what good things might be present in your current situation.
Lydia (name changed) was a senior executive. After decades of doing this work, she came to dread the day-to-day pressures and the ever-changing whims of her workplace. But leaving would have painful financial consequences for her family.
She constantly debated the “should I stay or should I go?” question, until a friend asked her, “What percentage of your job do you really hate?”
Lydia gave it some thought and determined she disliked about 40% of her work. The other 60% was pleasant, and sometimes even remarkably enjoyable.
“So are you going to give up 60% just to avoid that 40?” her friend asked?
Ultimately, Lydia decided no. That question helped her reframe her focus. Rather than obsess over the parts that frustrated her, she made a point of noticing—and even talking about—the moments she enjoyed.
If you’ve decided to stay, follow Lydia’s lead and focus your attention on the aspects of your work that bring you joy. Make a point of sharing stories about these aspects. Make a list, if you have to.
And when negative thoughts about your work appear—as they inevitably will—interrupt them without ignoring them. “So I don’t feel great about that, but what else happened today?”
Find meaning in the job you have
Once you’ve interrupted your negative thinking, reconnect with the most meaningful parts of your work. Finding appreciation for your current job is easier when you feel your work is purposeful.
In 1962, President Kennedy visited NASA. On a tour of the facility, Kennedy encountered a janitor. “What do you do here for NASA?,” the president asked the man.
“I’m helping to put a man on the moon,” the janitor responded.
When we see the bigger purpose in our work, even the most mundane aspects of our job feel meaningful because they contribute to an important goal.
You don’t have to have a do-gooder career to make your work meaningful. A friend who works for a gas company once described her role as “making sure gas stations have the fuel they need for fire trucks and ambulances.”
These questions can help you uncover the meaning in your work:
How does the organization I work for make the world a better place - or at least run smoother?
How does my work help someone solve a problem?
Why would my contribution be missed?
You may not be launching rockets, but someone benefits from what you do. Find them. Focus there.
Fix the job you have
Finally, staying doesn’t mean staying static. Almost every job has some flexibility for “job crafting,” which is customizing your work in ways that help you love it more, or learn more along the way.
Let’s say you enjoy managing people, but you don’t have any direct reports in your current role. You might “craft” your role by asking to be a buddy for new employees who are onboarding, or by taking on an intern.
Job crafting can involve adding something to your work that you’d enjoy or learn from, or subtracting something you dislike or have grown bored with. You can even trade responsibilities with teammates, to better utilize each others’ strengths. Even small adjustments can help you feel more connected, challenged, or creative.
These tips from our previous article can also help you fix the job you have:
Scheduling a meeting with your boss to ask for what you want then take initiative to make it happen,
Setting a learning or professional goal that you can achieve in your current role,
Find a career coach (like Lindsey) to help you discover opportunities for improving your current role.
Don’t stay miserable.
Choosing to stay doesn’t mean settling for less. You deserve a work life that energizes you, even if you’re not switching jobs anytime soon.
Interrupt the negativity by reframing your thinking. Find meaning and purpose in your work. Expand your ambition. Craft a better version of your current job.
You may not be in a honeymoon phase anymore—but you can still fall back in like.
Questions to consider:
What parts of your current job do you genuinely enjoy - and how often do you acknowledge them?
What broad impact does your work (or your organization) have that you might be overlooking?
What one small change would make your current job more satisfying this month?
