Wanting attention is not a bad thing.

Recently I helped a friend send a super vulnerable email to her list. Undiagnosed, advanced Lyme disease, and ongoing career burnout had completely taken her down - for years. Needless to say, she had zero spoons (hey, spoon theory) to show up in her business. This is what her email was about. She had never talked about it before in such an open - and - public way. 

It was freaking her out. So I recommended we schedule it to go out later. That way, she could unschedule if she decided to.

Well…there was a little miscommunication about the scheduled time and the email went out before she could make a few edits. 😱😱😱

 Sheer panic washed over her. I watched it happen.

Photo Credit: Simran Sood | Unsplash

And then eventually…acceptance. 

“It is what it is.” 

(BTW, this is what happens when you work on your blocks with visibility and attention, as she has done with the guidance of incredible teachers like Danielle Cohen. I’m now in her program, too.)

I watched as my friend gripped her phone…refreshing her email. 

Within a couple minutes, her community started showing up for her. Sharing how much her words resonated with them. That they, too, felt completely drained and it wasn’t until reading her email that they felt seen. That they couldn’t wait for more from her (when she’s ready). 

So why am I sharing this with you?

Because we’ve been taught to NOT want attention. That asking for it is a bad thing that only narcissists command. That we’re asking for something bad to happen to us. (Hello, Rape Culture!)

I researched the etymology of the word “Attention” and this headline caught my eye: “Tenderness Shares A Root With Attention.” 

“Since the late 14th Century, tendere has transformed into a word to define the devotion of our time and concentration. The word “attention” was rare in English before the 1700s and in the mid-1700s meant “consideration, observant care” and “civility, courtesy.” A bit over a century later it was defined as “power of mental concentration.” Before landing on the action verb ‘pay,’ the word attention was used with a variety of familiar verbs: gather, attract, call, and draw. Merriam Webster’s current first definition of attention is as wide as it is poetic: “the act or state of applying the mind to something.” Can there be a more careful act than that of applying the mind to something?”

And then this…

“Attention is a desirable asset. As it’s increasingly wanted by billionaire corporations, some would argue that it’s the most sought-after thing a human can offer. However, attention-seeking is poorly perceived, considered tasteless, and often socially punished. In his most recent book, the British psychoanalyst Adam Phillips explores and justifies attention-seeking as an examination of ourselves, our interests, and our desires. In its familiar sense, Phillips writes, attention-seeking “is a way of wanting something without knowing what it is. A social ability, an appeal to others to help us with our wanting.” To be and make others comfortable with our attention-seeking, we transform it into art, or success, or likable public snippets of our lives. If we were to take these gestures in the literal sense, maybe all we’re trying to communicate is that we want to be cared for.”

That last line, though. 😭 😭

“Maybe all we’re trying to communicate is that we want to be cared for.” 

It’s more than okay to want attention. You get to want people to care about you - at home, in your family (chosen or otherwise), with friends, your community and yes - even at work and in your business.

If you’re ready to dig deeper into your blocks around wanting and getting attention, I’m here for it.